Losing a loved one is one of the saddest events in life. When someone close to us is grieving, it can be difficult to find the right words. We worry about saying the wrong things or not saying enough. The good news is that even a few earnest and compassionate words can provide tremendous comfort during this challenging time.

In this blog, we will suggest some things to say (and not say) to someone grieving the loss of a friend or family member, colleague, or acquaintance. Usually, kindness, empathy, and simply showing up matters more than the perfect phrase.

What are the Ways to Comfort Someone Who Is Grieving?

1. Basic and Heartfelt Condolences

Sometimes, the simplest messages can be the most comforting, and you don’t need to say anything profound—just authentic.

• “I am so sorry for your loss.”
• “My heart goes out to you and your family.”
• “My deepest condolences.”
• “I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.”

These are respectful statements to convey it, and do not expending the effort to try to “fix” the pain.

2. Offer Specific Help

Most people say, “Let me know if you need anything,” but most grieving people are not going to ask. Providing specific support can be far more meaningful.

• “Can I drop off dinner for you sometime this week?”
• “I have some free time this weekend – if you would like, I can come keep you company, or help out with things around the house?”
• “If you don’t mind, I can check back in with you in a few days?”

3. Share a Memory or Positive Reflection

If you knew the deceased, you can share a personal story or memory. Sometimes sharing a memory can help the survivor feel seen and supported.

• “I will never forget the way your dad was able to make everyone laugh. He had such a warm presence.”
• “Your sister supported me in my own hard time, and I will always remember her kindness.”

Not only does it honor the deceased, it reminds the survivor of the legacy their loved one had in other people’s lives.

Be there even when silent

Sometimes silence can be comforting too. Being with someone, offering a hug, or just giving them the space to cry with you there without trying to offer advice is a way to help someone.

5. Avoid These Common Phrases

Though you may have good intentions, some comments may be dismissive or hurtful to someone suffering. Do not say:

• “Everything happens for a reason.”
• “They’re in a better place now.”
• “At least they lived a long life.”
• “I know what you are going through.”
• These comments can trivialize the person’s grief or suggest they need to move on.

6. Support Doesn’t End After the Funeral

Grief does not have an expiration date. Checking in days, weeks, or months afterwards lets them know you care.

You may say:

• “Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you.”
• “I know holidays and anniversaries can be tough- if you need anything, I’m here.”

What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say?

Sometimes honesty is the most comforting.

• Just Admit It: “I don’t have the right words, but I’m here.”
• Offer Just Your Presence: “You don’t have to say anything—I’ll just sit with you if it helps.”
• Keep It Simple: “I’m really sorry. I care. I’m here.”

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What to Do After Time Has Passed

Grief continues long after everyone else has moved on.

• Send a Text on Significant Dates: A check-in on someone’s birthday, anniversary or a holiday is empowering.
• Acknowledge that It is Still Hard: “I know it has been a few months—I just wanted to check on you.”
• Invite, Even When They Decline: Offering invitations to plans without pressure—those who are grieving often feel alone.

Conclusion

Grief is one of the most personal experiences there is, and there is no perfect script for supporting a friend who has lost a loved one. What matters most is not saying “the right thing,” but being there with authenticity, empathy and consistency.

Regardless if you send a direct message, a hot meal, a shared memory, or just the gift of your silent company, your small kindness may be great comfort during an intensely hard time.

So don’t overthink it, just reach out. Be gentle, and remember: your presence, however small, may just be the light they need in their darkest moment.

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